


It Didn't Stop

by Snickers_Doodle



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:47:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snickers_Doodle/pseuds/Snickers_Doodle
Summary: It had started out so well. They had been infinitely in love with each other. If someone had told him at that moment, that now, not even a hundred years into the future, he would be miserable, beaten, and… forsaken… Well he might have spat a laugh in their face. How could they have ever gone sour? How could such a loving and gentle touch, such an affectionate smile and a joyous laugh turn to so much pain? He wouldn’t have believed a word they’d told him… Even if that someone had been he himself.How foolish and naive he had been, back in his innocence. Of course, the larger mech could turn, akin to sides of a coin. However, he was now altogether sure he’d lost the other side of that coin. Gone were those days of bliss. In which Starscream could comfortably curl into the side of his love and expect gentle circles to his wings. Those touches were long behind him, replaced, instead, with dents and torn metal. He found that he cried more at night.He recalled the day it started, that first strike to his faceplates, painful in his processor. That day would be the turning point and, undoubtedly, the day he should have ran.





	1. The First Scar is the Deepest

**Author's Note:**

> This is a coping mechanism  
> I do not support abuse

_The first time will burn through my processor like a wild fire. I fear I may never recharge without waking up with a sting I should have long forgotten burning my faceplates._

 

A horrible end to what should have been a routine energon picked up. The Autobots had ambushed them and forced their forces to retreat, heavily damaged, but with information they hadn’t had before. Starscream’s flight back was unsteady, and unstable-- wings scratched and dented, some far deeper than other meaning the wind hit off them, causing him turbulence, with the effort of battle. Thinking only of seeing his love and simply putting this behind him with a gentle massage from large servos that dared not to dent him farther and gentle kisses, as well as a chance for a buff.  
  
He transformed and landed, a little harder than normal, tripping himself up a bit. Normally his landings were quite graceful, but this was his first hard fight and he was wobbly and a bit dizzy with the effort to fly straight. It appeared he wasn’t as prepared as he had once thought; at least he had something special to return to after such a defeat, the thought had him smiling. He, himself, wouldn’t call it a defeat. Receiving information that could be used was hardly a complete waste. However, the same could not be said for another.  
  
Megatron stood at the console of his ship, scowling deeply at the blank screen, having long turned off, optics burning bright back into his own. His servos were clutched behind his back, causing his shoulders to square and leaving him looking far more formidable than should have been possible and he held on to his right to look so. After all, He had planned everything perfectly and had meticulously prepared for an Autobot attack, as he always had. Those incompetent fools should have been able to follow his commands, regardless of their follies. His optics landed harshly on the shadowed reflection of his sparkmate as he entered the bridge.  
  
Starscream couldn’t remember a time he had turned so quick, just to face the aforementioned, servos never moving from behind his back as he watched him-- noting a soft limp in the other’s steps, hardly surprising considering the harsh beating he had taken. Unmoving, stiff and firm like a formidable mountain, as the seeker walked to stand in front of Megatron’s harsh stare. If he hadn’t been so concentrated on the others face Megatron might have noticed as recoiled under the stare. Did Starscream actually have the audacity to smile at him in such a time?!  
  
“My love, I understand that we have faced a hindrance, but we have new information that can be of use to us.” Starscream began, watching his love's face carefully. He was sure if he didn’t take the time to notice any twitch or strangeness he would surely be caught off guard. The keen sight never helped him to see what was to come.  
  
“Hindrance?” A low and dangerous growl that had Starscream stepping back a few paces. “We lost our energon supply and merely gained some trivial information… And you see it as nothing more than a set back?!” He screamed, causing Starscream to scramble back quickly. The fear on his face almost made Megatron back down, but it wasn’t enough. He advanced.  
  
“You incompetent, useless fool! Less than worthless to me! You come into the bridge smiling about a loss! A loss that is your fault!” He stopped when Starscream tripped back a bit, barely gaining his footing. He’s scared, he’s terrified. Megatron hardly found it in himself to give a damn.  
  
Starscream screeched when Megatron’s servo flew toward him, grabbing his wrist in a hold that he knew was denting the plating, just more to add to a very long list of them. He struggled to get away from the other mech. He called out harshly, “You’re hurting me!” Just that simple sentence, an honest sentence, had Megatron seeing red as he strikes out with his other servo.  
  
The force of the servo connected to Starscream’s faceplates tore him from Megatron’s grip and sent him screeching to the floor and nearly into the farthest wall. He clambered back quickly as Megatron advanced on him, standing over him, keeping Starscream pressed into the floor, making himself smaller. He knew he was crying, lubricant dripped from his chin guard and down onto his chassis, he was too scared to acknowledge where the liquid went. He recoiled and threw his arms up with an indignant scream for the other to stop when he saw a servo raise yet again. Megatron froze, what was he doing? He snarled, “Get out.” He couldn’t stand to look at Starscream and face what he’d just done.  
  
There wasn’t a need to tell Starscream a second time, already clambering up and running for the door, ignoring the pain in his legs and his faceplates. He could hardly see through the blur in his vision, he wasn't sure who he ran into, but they had been big and he was sure he’d heard them ask about him. He didn't care. He just needed to leave.  
  
He ran out to the launch pad and transformed, engines blasting and sending him as far from the ship as one powerful burst would allow him, he didn’t even think about looking back or how he would find his way back. He just wanted to get as far from that ship as currently physically possible, he couldn't stand the thought of going back anyway. He screamed into the open air, and dropped down a few feet with the lack of concentration on the air streams. Steading himself he continued his path that was leading him nowhere. His thoughts were racing; What in the hell did he do to deserve that? Why had Megatron struck him that way? What was with that look? He had looked down on him as he were merely a bug, as if he hated him. Did his sparkmate hate him now? He felt his spark clench and dropped again, he needed to land or he risked crashing and killing himself. He couldn’t give Megatron that satisfaction.  
  
He descended and transformed before he landed. However, his distracted mind caused his pedes to slip under him and he ended up face first in the sand. Sputtering as he sat back up quickly to sit his aft onto his ankles servos and digits dug into the sand. He looked around himself. All that was around him was golden brown sand, high plateaus that seemed to never end, but when they did it was a steep drop, the rock formations he couldn’t describe were all strange, whittled by the heated wind around him, and a heat he couldn’t currently feel but would surely have him overheating soon. He’d managed to land himself in a desert. He whimpered and moved to push himself into the shade of one of the plateaus, bringing his knees to his chassis and shaking his helm. At least that would keep him from overheating too fast. Shaking as sobs tore through his voice processor, racking him in grief, he couldn’t understand what had caused Megatron to turn on him like that. Everything he had done had been commanded from the other! Had he not followed every law and even made quick witted decisions in the midst of battle that kept them with as little causalities to their side as possible?! So, why had Megatron looked at him like that?!  
  
Punching the rock behind him caused a small rock slide to the far right of him. He didn’t care. When He tilted his helm back it came to rest against the rock, leaving him staring at the harsh blue sky above him. Maybe… Maybe he shouldn’t have made those decisions without first discussing it with Megatron. Regardless of their lack of time. Megatron should have been made aware of his actions before he performed them. He… He was sure if he was in Megatron’s position he would have lashed out the same way. Starscream did this to himself, this is wholly his fault. He should go back. They could work this out.

 

_What a fool I was, back then. Meek and new to love. I didn’t understand back then… I was not to blame for his mistakes._


	2. Grounded

_It hardly takes a thought to realize it only got worse from there. In the end that should have been expected, I should have seen it coming._  


“Did you think you were being sly?” It’s sudden and he doesn’t get a chance to speak before the other male has stood up, the chair he’d been seated in skidding until the legs caught and it tipped. He descended onto the other, towering over him. Starscream cowers under the male’s despotic stare, he’s not sure what he’s supposed to be ready for. He never would have been prepared for what Megatron started.  
  
“Did you think I wouldn’t see? Perhaps you really thought you were getting away with something.” He takes another step forward, Starscream quickly scrambling back by at least three steps. A sneer falls into place on Megatron’s faceplates, one of which Starscream has grown familiar with.  
  
A cry of fear and pain leaves Starscream’s vocalizer as Megatron snatches his wrist in his servo and drags him up, leaving him to hang in the air in front of the other’s intense and piercing gaze. Red optics crazed with anger and disdain leaned forward into the others face, even as the other tried to move his head back and away from him. He could feel the rage radiating off the metal as the grip on his wrist tightened into dents, he barely felt it anymore.  
  
“You thought you could fool around with others behind my back and betray our love.” It was little more than a growl, ground out past sharp dentae. Starscream didn’t get a chance to defend himself as he was thrown to the floor, sliding across the floor, the sound of screeching metal on metal filling the room. It was quickly replaced by an angry roar as Megatron took the space between them in two large steps and grabbed Starscream up by the wings.  
  
“You think you are cunning and sly and can fool me. You sit here and let your mind dilute with lies of how you have power and control of yourself.” Megatron is delirious, not even aware, not there, he’s blinded by rage and hate. He leans forward to whisper harshly into the others face, “You only get freedoms when I allow them.”  
  
There’s a sickening squelching sound, however, it’s quickly drowned out by the sound of agonizing screams and wails for the other to stop. There’s a thick splattering sound as something wet hits the floor and the wailing turns to screeching sobs as claws scratch and beg to be released. The sound that follows is metal crumpling under a death grip before a loud clanked thump hits the floor at Megatron’s feet. Starscream is soon joined on the floor with his newly detached wings as the other throws them at his pedes. He’s never felt so small as he looks up at Megatron, who is looking down on him as little more than a bug under pede. He feels the energon oozing out from the space where his wings once were and opens his mouth to beg the other to at least take him to the medbay, please. He’s silenced with a scowl before the other turns and leaves the other to bleed.  
  
Starscream isn’t sure what he’s done as his shaky servos gather up the wings, dropping them a few times. What does he mean ‘fool around with others’? Starscream has done no such thing! He whimpers as he tries to pick himself up and finds that his processor is swimming far too much, he’ll have to crawl.  
  
He holds his broken wings, of which he’s sure will never go back, he’d need new ones, close to his chassis as he uses his other arm to pathetically drag himself to the door, barely getting it open and then dragging himself into the hallway. He doesn’t care about the long trail of energon behind him, he’s just trying to survive.  
  
He didn’t mean to, whatever he did, he didn’t mean to. He couldn’t remember leading anyone on, but Megatron had to have thought he was, to think such a thing of the other. He would explain himself to Megatron, then the other would see it was just a misunderstanding! Starscream loved Megatron, he would never think about seeking out another.  
  
He could vaguely hear someone coming, he was sure they would just walk past him, that was their way after all. It’s no one’s business, just keep walking. He looked up to see if he could tell exactly who it was that was coming, if he could reach out and implore them to just help him, some would stop if he just asked. However, he found that his vision had long blurred into nothing more than different colors of fuzzy blobs, he could make nothing out but a hint of what he thought might have been red.  
  
He was being picked up and, somewhere far off, someone was telling him it was going to be okay, he was safe now. Whoever this bot was, he had him and he was going to take care of him. Those words lulled him into a deep recharge state, the last thing he could remember hearing is a vague threat against Megatron’s life and trying to sputter out a plea to not take his love from him.  
  
Pounding and searing pain took over his processor as his optics onlined, trying to look around, finding the light far too bright. It stung in the back of his processor like a nail and forced him to offline his optics again. Finally, he slowly onlined them, keeping them squinted as he looked around, he was in the medbay? What had happened?  
  
It all came rushing back to him too fast and he offlined his optics yet again, feeling coolant gather, though he refused to even let it fall. He hoped this would be the last time he’d online his optics, just keep them online. He moved a servo to check at his back, feeling wings, but finding he didn’t have much feeling in them yet. They were new, he could tell, meaning the ones that had been torn off him were trashed.  
  
He vented slowly, he was alone in the bay and that was appreciated, he needs the time alone. He just needed to think about the things that had lead up to that encounter with Megatron, the reason why he had, had his wings ripped from his frame, and what ‘other’ Megatron had spoken of.  
  
Perhaps Megatron had simply taken a passing conversation with another and twisted it, misinterpreted it. He had been under so much stress lately, his processor heavy with the burdens of the war, maybe he had just read it wrong. Starscream could explain that and they could go back to normal, finally.  
  
However, if Megatron hadn’t read a conversation wrong… What had happened? Why had he done it? ‘You only get freedoms when I allow them’. Starscream shuddered, he supposed that was true. Megatron was good to him, kept him safe and loved and well taken care of. He supposed it only made sense that the other allowed him the freedoms, rather than he just received them because they were his own freedoms.  
  
Starscream vented again, He would just have to speak with Megatron, he supposed. He hated himself for the other feeling the way he had. Starscream had no intention of making the other feel as though Starscream would leave him for another, Starscream could hardly imagine life without the other. A conversation would fix things, he was sure.  
  
_It’s hard to let go of love, regardless of the dents and the… the hate they make you feel. Not for them, but for yourself._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a little tough for me to write, because it brought up a lot, but it still really helped me out and I hope you enjoy it!


	3. Innocence Ruined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has archive warnings for a reason! Please be careful entering this chapter!!

_I went crawling back… begging him to just… Just love me. I suppose he thought what he did would prove his love. It destroyed me._  
  
He was back again, later he would wonder why he ever went back, millennia later. However, now, all he wanted was for the other to stop looking down at him like that, with optics that glowed with rage and distaste. Give him back the old Megatron, give him back the loving optics, the soft words, gentle touches. He doesn’t want this anymore, this hurt, the dents, the spilled energon, the limping, the cover stories. Just give him back his love.

“Please…” It’s a raspy whisper almost covered by static as his helm slowly, almost painfully, lifted to look up to the other’s faceplates. “Please… Stop this… I beg you, no more… Can we… Can we please just go back. Tell me you love me, please.” He flinched a bit when Megatron faced him more fully, still looking down at him on his knees on the floor. He hated that look, stop looking at him like that. He turned his helm away for a moment before looking back at him more fully, facing him and standing at his full height. It made Starscream feel smaller, even making him shrink into himself, but he pressed on. “I… Just want you to love me again, like you use to… Please, Megatron. I miss the you that loved me.”

“You think I don’t love you?” A whisper, cold and dangerous, it sent a shiver down Starscream’s spinal strut and caused his wings to quiver. “You think that I,” he placed a servo to his chest as he took a step forward, “don’t love you? I’ve done everything to prove that I love you. Are my words not enough for you? Is my attention not enough? You need more from me? What else do you need? You are selfish.” With every question Megatron took another step forward, Starscream scooted a bit further back, all but dragging himself along the floor to keep their distance the same. If he could crawl faster than Megatron could walk, he might have succeeded. The other goes to reach for him, a quick movement he doesn’t have time to read, and he throws his arms up, protecting his face, and yells for the other not to.

Megatron is frozen for a moment, looking from his servo to Starscream’s cowering position, he almost looks scared. Then, just as fast as it were there, his fear leaves and is replaced with a cold anger, the kind that freezes your chest and makes you shake. His servo snatches out and grabs Starscream by the wrist, hoisting him up and bringing them face to face. “You’re still scared of me.”

Starscream yelps as the room rushes around him, throwing him through a dizzying sense of falling. Vaguely he thinks about what falling is like, the exhilaration and heart pounding. Then he’s hitting the berth, wing finding itself under him and denting forward to slightly wrap around his shoulder. He cries out and moves to reach for the appendage, Megatron’s hand stops him. Immediately he wants Megatron to go back to looking at him like he hates him, this look of angry hunger and a sure promise hurts more. “Don’t worry… I’ll make sure you leave knowing just how much I truly love you.”

A shooting fear, like a suddenly shock or a bolt of lightning, shoots all the way up Starscream’s body, starting from his toes and making its way to his head. His body feels like ice, needles up his spinal strut and in his servos, his plating ruffles and shakes. The look he sees in those optics, the promise of pain, the quite whisper of hurt, the sure sign that Starscream will never be the same after this. Those words were said with such a venom he was surprised he didn’t drop dead on the spot. He’s going to die, he’s going to die.

As he pulls himself onto the berth Starscream’s realization hits him harder than his body had hit the berth, like the back of a servo. This isn’t love. He doesn’t want this.

Starscream’s shaking, hard, like a leaf in a hurricane barely hanging on by its small stem to the tree that kept it protected from the winds. Megatron sits up on the edge of the berth, he turns his head to barely spare Starscream a glance before getting up and leaving the room, to bath or to take command Starscream doesn’t care enough to think about.

When the door slides closed he quickly pulls himself up to press into the corner the berth was pushed into, pulling his legs to his chest and hiding himself in them. He’s shaking so hard he would be able to hear his plating cracking angrily against itself, but all he can hear is his own screams, his own cries, ringing in his audials. He pulls himself tighter to himself as if he could hide himself from his shame, from his own weakness, from Megatron just by making himself a tight ball in the corner.

Why didn’t he listen? A voice in the back of his processor tells him it’s because he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love him. Another voice, louder, tells him that’s a lie. Of course he loves him! He’s just stressed and needs a way to relax. That’s why he didn’t listen. They’d done that a hundred times before anyway, maybe he just thought he was being dramatic. The other voice again, whispering, why didn’t he say he loved him? The other voice explains that he shouldn’t have to. The first voice sounds further away this time as it asks why it hurt so much. The louder voice ignores it in favor of thinking about how much he’s served Lord Megatron. What does it matter? Megatron loves him and his body! That’s what he’s good for, he can’t help with the war, he can’t make Megatron go back to the kind, caring mech he was, however, he can offer himself like the whore he is.

He’s started crying, he only notices because the tears drip down into his lap, on his chassis, his legs. He really is pathetic isn’t he. It’s no wonder Megatron doesn’t love him anymore, who would love something as disgusting and filthy as he? Who would love someone so willing? The other was right, Starscream probably would open his legs to any willing mech that asked. A sob tears through his vocal chords as his digits dig into the metal of his shoulders.

He’s right, he’s always been right. That’s all there is. He’s destined to live under Megatron for the rest of his long life. A toy, a tool, a punching bag, whatever it is his existence is to only serve Megatron. After all, Megatron is the only one willing to love some _thing_ as disgusting as he is.

_……_

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope this is good.  
> This is literally my first time ever doing this.


End file.
